ha ha, april fools suckers.
the weather fits this feeling.
today's one of those days where the urge is just to give up on everything.
where you want to tell everyone you quit,
and your friends you hate them,
tell every girl you've ever sat and talked to that the only reason you did is that hopefully one day you'd get to fuck her.
even if it's not true.
see a smile and return a sneer.
wish ill will upon someone who probably cares.
show a pregnant lady just how worthless and painful her unborn childs life will become.
tell her fucking memory to get out of your head today, because she's been gone too long to bother with anymore.
she's done too much damage for a ghost.
such a recurring theme in life, for one who doesn't believe in the supernatural.
ghosts and demons.
maybe new words need to be assigned.
and the burst of anger subsides, as it always does
into a wash of sadness bursting these tainted vessels.
everything so foreign all the sudden, surrounded by five years familiarity.
look questioningly to the lights, to the machinery
but never anything but blurriness and the lead feeling in my chest.
more childhood memories
..things are so different now
when all i long for is sweet relief coursing headily through my veins.
count the tears compared to raindrops
crucified dreams and wasted time.
all is for naught.
--Oh no, I see
--The spider web is tangled up with me
--And I lost my head
--And thought of all the stupid things I'd said